i

People only want it, when they want it. They dont want it, when they don't want it. And they flame you for inviting them to be part of it when they don't want it.

Why does everything have to start with 'I'?

I want to come when I want to come. I don't want to come when I don't want to come. I want to scream at you because I want it next week and not this week (Partly my fault). I don't want to come to church in the morning because I will be with a long lost friend. I want to come late because I want to tour local attractions first. I don't want you to come along for outings because I want the group to be smaller because it's easier to control. I want to come more than an hour past midnight to your place eventhough you have got work tomorrow. Why should I clear my calendar for something I did not ask for? Why should I tell you things because you are not my cell leader. I don't need your concern because you are not my cell leader and you are a nobody. I want to close myself up because I know what I'm doing and I dont care how others perceive it. I want to remain in this situation because...I just want to. I want to escape my embarrassment by putting 'hahahahahaha' and =) so that I wont feel bad and I want to defuse tension. I want to let you eat first and pretend to help you cook because I came late so that I wont feel bad.

Reminds me of this:

Hurry up! Jesus is coming! Look busy!

As Xcalizorz the famous youtube commentator rightly sums it all up, 'You have got to let people do whatever they want to do, at any given time.'

Haven't you people been listening to what Bert has been saying in his sermons? What happened to 'love the lord your god with all your heart soul mind and strength and love your neighbour as yourself'? 

Putting 'I' / 'me' in front of everything...is...as someone famously / 'one of the most awesome' / proudly, pompously, mockingly, just-had-ambil-kesempatan-to-say-this,  and put it right across to my face, "That's not very christian-like".

So what do I want now?

That's easy. Curse and swear. And then curse and swear somemore.

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I repent and surrender lah Lord. Repentance is knowing that the sins other people have committed against me is so small compared to the sins i have done against You. I'm sorry. And help me to forgive others too. Lord I lay every burden down lah, at the foot of the cross. I trade these ashes in for beauty, and wear forgiveness as a crown...I come to kiss the feet of mercy, and lay all these down at the foot of the cross. I dont want bottled up anger and frustration. Take it.

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So maybe this is why there are so many breakthroughs this year. To help the other half of the cell? To inspire / set an example / motivate that other half? We all want to go out for missions. we want to go to africa/italy/poland/cambridge for missions...but there's already a mission field right here, the other half of the cell. 

But all in all, I'm grateful someone asked, 'Can we have bible study sometime?'

It's a start. 

Thank you Jesus.